When Victor and Dracula thumb wrestle
by Dark and prone to violence
Summary: UnderworldVan Helsing crossover. I can't tell you how or why this popped into my head, it just did. All I can tell you is it's damn funny.
1. Who's winning?

I don't own anything ::Cries::

WHEN VICTOR AND DRACULA THUMB WRESTLE!!!!

There is no scene so just enjoy it in all it's randomness.

Victor and Dracula are thumb wrestling.

Victor:..so then the filthy Lycan married my daughter!

Dracula: What happened after that?

Victor: I killed her.

Dracula: Good man.

Victor: Since I'm a good man will you let me win?

Dracula: No.

Victor: :Sigh: I don't even miss Sonja anymore.

Lucian (OS): I'LL KEEEL YOU!!!!!

Lucian goes for Victors throat.

Dracula snaps his fingers.

Dracula: VELKAN!

Velkan runs out and starts the seizure esque transformation.

Lucian (to Velkan): You work for this guy!?

Velkan: Yeah...(twitches)

Lucian: How can you degrade yourself to that level! And he's got you in a lion cloth too!

Velkan: Aren't all werewolves slaves to vampires?

Lucian: LYCANS aren't slaves to anybody! We used to be but then we rebeled! I was the leader! I couldn't see anymore of their beatin' our children and rapin' our women and hangin' us for insolence! We're their sworn enemies now! :Smiles at his own genius:

Velkan (to Dracula): YOU KEPT ME IN THE DARK! I WON'T BE YOUR BITCH ANYMORE BECAUSE **_I AM NOT A MACHINE!_**

Velkan runs out of the room with his hands in the air screaming: VIVE LE RESISTANCE!

Lucian: (Blinks and watches the thumb wrestling.) So who's winning?

Both: I am.

Both: No you're not!

Both -shifty eyes-

REVEIW!


	2. Anna and Selene

Tanks for da reviews peoples. I've been in a little dry area latley and I needed a morale boost.

Chapter 2

Lucian is still watching Dracula and Victor thumb wrestle.

Lucian: So where are you guys from again Vlad?

Dracula: An alternate-universe, I guess you could say I'm the "Victor" there.

Lucian: Will you mind if I try to kill you.

Dracula: Yes, why?

Lucian: Nevermind.

Velkan is now dressed in the clothing he was wearing at the begining of the movie. Selene walks in. She gasps.

FLASHBACK--------------

Selene walks through the house in horror seeing her deceased family. Her older brother Belmont (who looks just like Velkan) is dead.

Selene: BEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLMOOOOOOOOONNNNNTTTTTTT!

END FLASHBACK--------------------

Selene rushes over to him and hugs him around the waist.

Selene: Belmont! OH MY GOD I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!

Everyone stares at Selene.

Velkan: Who's Belmont?

Selene's eyes widen.

Lucian: That's Velkan Selene, another Lycan free from the binding grasp of slavery!

Velkan: Go team! Can you stop hugging me now scary-vampire-girl?

Voice: HEY! GET YOUR SLUTTY HANDS OFFA MY BROTHER!

Anna stalks in, Van Helsing following her like a puppy. She comes face to face with Selene. They gasp.

Anna: Who...are you?

Selene: Uh.....

Anna squeezes her.

Anna: OH MY GOD! I FINALLY HAVE SOMEONE TO GO SHOPPING WITH THAT CAN HELP ME DECIDE WHAT OUTFITS LOOK GOOD ON ME BECAUSE WE LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anna runs away with Selene.

Erika walks in and sees Van Helsing. She runs up and clings to him.

Anna's voice from away: LEGGO MY WEREWOLF!

Erika yells: IF HE'S A LYCAN YOU CAN KEEP HIM!


	3. Shopping!

Yes, I know Selene didn't have a brother, I was just adding it because it fit so well with the whole Anna and Velkan thing.

Chapter 3

A shopping mall main area is visible. All is normal and as it should be until…

Voice: OMIGOD! THIS IS SOOOOOO CUUUUUUUUUUUTE!

Anna and Selene are in a very girly store. Van Helsing and Michael are standing outside and look less than pleased. The girls continue to giggle and bounce around. They come running out and dump their purchases on the guys.

VH and Mike: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

The girls go tearing off into another store.

Van Helsing looks at Michael from under a box.

Van Helsing: I wonder what they're doing back at the thumb wrestling match?

---

Dracula gets really close to beating Viktor but Viktor sneaks out of the bind.

Lucian looks over at Dracula.

Lucian: Don't worry man, you'll get him next time.

Dracula: wh00t!

Viktor: I thought you hated vampires.

Lucian: Yeah but I absolutely love it when someone beats you at something! WHOOOOOO! I'M A SEX MACHINE! VROOM VROOM! I HAVE A SEXY SPLEEN VROOM VROOM! I WILL MAKE Y-----

Until the point when he was interrupted Lucian had been doing the white girl dance on a table. Hirujuku girls had come out and danced around him. Love, Angel, Music, Baby hurry up and come and save me.

Erika holds a piece of paper under Lucian's nose.

Lucian: What's this?

Erika: A copyright notice.

Lucian: Ahh.

He shoos off the Hirujuku girls and gets off the table and sits down next to where Dracula and Viktor are thumb wrestling.

Velkan sits down next to him. He's giggling. Lucian cocks an eyebrow.

Velkan: Guess what?

Lucian: What?

Velkan: I found this vampire outside and guess what I did to him?

Lucian: I dunno.

Velkan starts laughing as Kraven walks into the room, he's completely naked except for the duct tape that covers his body and his head. It's obvious he's chewed through the tape around his face, crotch and legs. He looks pissed, probably even moreso at the sign tied to his head which read: _In Soviet Russia, Penis Ejaculates You!_

Lucian falls off his chair laughing. Viktor and Dracula collapse into a fit of laughter but make sure to maintain their wrestling.

Lucian hugs Velkan.

Lucian: I claim you as a member of my pack.

REVIEW! IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME BUT REVIEW!


End file.
